Around 9 to 11yrs old - Life with Carmen

Carmen told me I could call her mom which was hard to do at first. It didn’t feel comfortable calling anyone mom. This family had one older son who still lived at home. Carmen is the woman that I can remember gave me the most love. She did get upset with me however.

Carmen said as we were driving home, “We have to stop by and see your new dad.” I didn’t know what to say or what to do when we met. He was very nice. He wore a suit and we said “Hi”. He asked if he could give me a hug. I remember him telling Carmen he would be home at about 5:00 or 5:30. Then I went to my new home. She showed me around the house and told me where my room was. I was scared that all this good could be taken away from me. That it might be too good to be true. She said let me take you upstairs and show you your room and show you the rest of the house. Later I met my new brother Steve. He was nice. He was in high school. She made dinner. We sat down as a family and ate our first dinner. I felt uncomfortable but happy. She made eggs, rice and pork chops. It was an odd meal to me but I liked it. I remember she said I didn’t have to eat everything on my plate.

She showed me some chips and things and said, “If you’re hungry, you could help yourself.” It felt weird to be able to just take things from the cupboard and eat. She said this is your house. I remember there were crackers I liked, and I took them to my room and hid them. She found them and asked why I hid them in my room. I said that at the academy I couldn’t just eat anytime I wanted, so we would hide food in or room for snacks later. Carmen said you don’t have to hide food in your room. This is your house and whatever you want to eat you can eat. You don’t have to hide it. I hid them in my room because I felt too uncomfortable taking things from her cupboard.

I started feeling more comfortable at my new home. Carmen said I could go outside and play and meet the neighborhood. I was scared if anyone would accept or like me. It turned out to be a great neighborhood where I made lots of friends and many fond memories.

I remember when I was going outside and the girl next-door asked who I was and I said I was new here. That Carmen and her husband adopted me. She was nice and said that was nice. She said I have other friend in the neighborhood I can introduce you to. Later she introduced me around the neighborhood. They were all very kind and we all became friends. Some of them asked me what happened to me. I told them I was born this way and they all accepted me.

There was a cheerleader down the street that I liked. I had no idea what a cheerleader even was but I liked her. She was in high school.

I made many friends in the neighborhood but they all went to Atherwood Elementary. I was bussed to Hollow Hills Elementary because they had a special education program. There I attended 4th 5th and 6th grade. At school we would sing, and I didn’t like to sing. My foster mom would tell me, “When the class sings you participate.” We would watch Sesame Street, take naps, and tests which I would cheat on. The teacher would ask us to spell certain words and I sat in the front of the class. I would have a paper in my hand that would tell me how to spell the words. I would look at my cheat sheet and one time the teacher asked “Bob, what is that in your hand?” I said “nothing” because I didn’t want to get caught. They called my foster mom and I got in trouble. Once, when it was time for recess, as we were lined up at the door to go outside, one of the kids said ”I dare you to pull the fire alarm”, I asked what would I get out of it if I did, and he said he would pay me a dollar. So I took the dare. First I got the dollar, and then I pulled the alarm. I couldn’t play that recess. My foster mom was called and I got grounded.

I remember children at my school would make fun of me and I would tell the teacher but they wouldn’t do anything about it. Pretty soon I started hitting the children when they made fun of me. The teachers at school would call my foster mom and she would whip me with a twig she tore off a tree, sometimes it was a belt. When I would try to explain why I hit, she would get angry and tell me not to talk back to her and show disrespect. This would frustrate me and I would get angry. After being whipped my body would have red marks. Sometimes when I would talk back she would put a bar of soap in my mouth.

There were happy memories in her home. They had a chicken that laid eggs. I was able to collect her eggs and mom would fry them for the family for breakfast or dinner. At this house, Pigeons would gather in the attic and my foster dad told me and his son to get our BB guns and shoot them. That was fun. I remember they had a doughboy swimming pool in the back yard that we took out which left a big whole. The way we filled it up was we filled it with trash and then put dirt over the top. I had choirs round the house which I got paid for. I would take out the trash, make coffee and straighten my room. One thing I liked to do was get my foster father his beer. He was nice to me.

The opportunity was never presented to me to play sports. It was here I taught myself to ride a bike. No one ever took the time to teach me so I taught myself. I remember crashing into the back of one of the neighbor’s cars and getting really hurt. I was able to ride my bike around the elementary school and the local GEMCO.

I became good friends with the neighbors and I would ding-dong ditch them. There was one neighbor I became really good friends with whose car horn whistled like you were whistling at a girl. He would let me push the horn and I liked that.

There were two boys that lived down the street who were my friends. I would spend the night at their house and we would swim in their pool. When all the kids in the neighborhood got together I would tell the girls I would like to marry them one day and kiss them. The girls just laughed and said I was funny.

We never went camping with this family, but I do remember going to Disneyland which was fun. There they bought me a hat which I lost on one of the rides. This didn’t make my foster mother happy as she reminded me of how much it cost. I remember going to the Zoo and I was able to get a wax mold of an elephant and gorilla which I liked. They took me to travel town, an old train yard and I got a penny squished into a train. They took me to the beach and we would play in the sand and wade in the water.

When I was bad Carmen would say I needed to pray to God and ask him to forgive me. I didn’t know how to pray. I wasn’t interested.

Carman would take me to all my doctor’s appointments and she was very compassionate. While I lived with them I had several surgeries. She would always see me into surgery and be there when I came out. I liked to see her, she would comfort me. I unfortunately missed a lot of school because of surgeries, which made it hard for me to learn to read and write.

Carmen took me to see my mother when I was in the 6th grade. Carmen said to me “Well I have some good news for you”. I said, “What is it?” She said, "well do you want to hear it?" I said, "yeah". She said, "I found your real mom". I just looked at her and she said, "Well you don’t look too happy." I said, "Well I haven’t seen her for so long. I don’t know if I even remember what she looks like. I don’t know how she would act when she saw me or how I would act." She said, “Well do you want to go see her?” I thought about it for 3 weeks and decided I would. She said she would have to go and talk to the judge and get it o.k.’ed and that she would take me to see my mom.

I believe it was a Saturday afternoon that we went to go see her and all that was going through my mind was, “Would I remember her at all?” The last time I saw her was when I was about 3 or 4 at Loma Vista Hospital when she came to see me just before a surgery. She gave me a hug and a kiss and walked away and I was left crying. As we were going up there, Carmen asked, “Are you nervous.” I said “Yes, I’m a little scared.” She said, “You don’t have to see her.” I said I wanted to. We drove to Ventura to see her. She said, “ok... we are getting close by.” We went inside the courthouse. The social worker brought over the family like my brothers, sisters and my real mom. I didn’t know them. I went into the court room and I became really good friends with the judge over the years. He said, “Hi Robert! So you are here to see your mom for the first time.” They had an interpreter there to translate for my mother. He said, “Would you like to talk to her here or outside or you can go to a park or to her home.” He said, “What would you like to do.” I said “Just maybe outside the courtroom for now.” My sister was there and translated for my mother. My reaction was… when I saw my mother… was not a really happy feeling. She didn’t look the way I remembered. My sister introduced me to some of my brothers and sisters. We talked and set up another meeting time. My sister asked where we should meet next, and I suggested the park because I didn’t feel comfortable in their house yet. We went to the park and visited for 3 hours. My mom, sister and some siblings and my social worker were all there. It was hard to communicate with my mother because we didn’t speak the same language. I wondered if she wanted to take me back. I was quiet and shy. I didn’t open up to her.


After 2 months of phone calls and letters we met again. I deiced to go to her house. Still feeling a little bit uncomfortable. There were times I spent the night there but our life styles were very different. I felt like I was rich compared to them. They lived in a poor apartment. I felt sorry for them. I felt like I really had it good. My own room…. I didn’t have to share. They had 3 bedrooms and fit 3 to a room and some kids would sleep on the couch or on a hid a bed. When I visited I would sleep on the couch or on the floor. My sister offered for me to sleep with my mother and I said, “No, I’d sleep on the couch.” They keep the house clean but it just looked ran down. It made me really appreciate what I had. When I stayed there all we ate was Mexican food and I got really tired of it. We ate it for breakfast lunch and dinner. I would ask, "Can’t we have something besides mexican food, like spaghetti or steak or cereal for breakfast."

We ate rice, beans, and homemade tortillas my mother would make from scratch. One time I tried to make homemade tortillas and it was a big flop. Instead of being nice and thin mine turned out to be the size of a pancake. Everyone laughed. We would eat hot dogs wrapped up in a tortilla. Or a hot dog wrapped up in a tortilla with rice and scrambled eggs. I never spent holidays with them other than to stop by and say hello.

I remember back in 1977 when my sister came to visit me at Sinaloa Junior High School. I was getting out of school waiting for the bus and my sister called “Robert, over here”. I said, “What are you doing here?” She said, “Well, I though we would go to the park and have lunch. Moms in the car and your other brothers and sisters.” I said, “Well I need to check with my foster mom to see if it’s o.k.” She said she had already checked with her. We went over to Rancho Simi Park and visited for about 2 hours. It was a really nice visit.

One day Carman told me they were moving to Puerto Rico and I would be placed into another foster home. She told me if I didn’t like the new family that she would come and pick me up. She said she would leave her number with the new foster family just before they moved.

I remember Carmen wore the pants in the family. If she was mad she would hit her husband and it would really scare me. She would say something in puertoriquen and she would be mad and throw things at him. Then she would go up the stairs and slam the door. I would go into my room and wonder what was going on. My foster dad would spend the night at his office and come back the next day. She had a real temper.

I remember Carmen getting a ticket one time and she would get really upset. The officer would give her a ticket and she said, "Well I’m not paying for this." When the officer walked away she balled up the ticket, cussed, threw it out the window and said, "I’m not paying for that!"

Carmen and her husband wanted me to sit and watch the news. They thought it would be important to know what was happening in the world and I didn’t like it. I remember sitting on the couch with a foot stool and watch it. They said, "You need to know what’s going on in the world." At that age I just wasn’t interested in watching the news.