Saturday, August 16, 2008
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Monday, July 28, 2008
To those who were there for me... this was my life.
This is the life history of Bob Lozano. I was born May 1, 1963 in State of California, the City of Ventura, at Ventura County Hospital located at 3291 Loma Vista Road. My mother’s name was Maria Ester Martinez. Her birth place was Mexico. Her birth date was March 24, 1939 and passed away at the age of 63 on January 22, 2003 in Oxnard California. My Father’s name was Daniel Lozano. My father was born in Mexico. I know nothing more about him.
My biological family
My first home was with my family located 617 First Street, in Oxnard California, County of Ventura. I came home to a mother, two sisters and a brother.
My mother would eventually bare 10 children with six different men. She never married. Eventually all the children ended up taking on the last name of my mother “Martinez”. I was the 4th child born. There were 6 children born after me.
I have 3 brothers and 6 sisters. They are:
1. Martha Garibay (1959)
2. Jose Luis Garibay (1960)
3. Alma Rosa Garibay (1961)
4. Robert Lozano (1963)
5. Elsa Cardenas (1964)
6. Estela Antillon (1965)
7. Anna Hilda Crespo (passed away)
8. Ester Cespo (1967)
9. Froilan Alfredo Crespo (1969)
10.Martin Martinez Chavez (1972)
2. Jose Luis Garibay (1960)
3. Alma Rosa Garibay (1961)
4. Robert Lozano (1963)
5. Elsa Cardenas (1964)
6. Estela Antillon (1965)
7. Anna Hilda Crespo (passed away)
8. Ester Cespo (1967)
9. Froilan Alfredo Crespo (1969)
10.Martin Martinez Chavez (1972)
Starting a life in foster care
When I was about 3 or 4 years old (I don’t remember exactly), my earliest memory was my mother telling me (in Spanish, which I have since forgotten) she would always love me as she handed me over to the foster care system. Years later, my grandmother told me that my mother loved me but didn’t know how to take care of me or provide for my medical expenses. I then became a ward of the court. When I arrived in my first foster care home, I remember just crying “Where is my Mom.” I was young and didn’t know what was happening. My new foster mother tried to reassure me all was going to be ok. I stayed with various foster families from then on. There is no way to even keep track there were so many.
Jeanne, a very important person in my life!
Jeanne was a nurse at Loma Vista Hospital. We kept in touch and stayed friends over the years until she died in 2003. She told me that when I was born, I had a tracheotomy to help me breath. I was the first baby at Loma Vista to have this done. Jeanne sometimes would take me home with her. When Jeanne would take me home she would have to clean the fluid out of the tube. After several surgeries, they decided to remove it to see if I could breath on my own. I could, but because of the tracheotomy it changed my voice. Sometimes people ask me why I talk so deep. Instead of going into detail, I just say it was the way I was born.
I was born with a congenital diseases of the nervous system called Neurofibromatosa.
When I was still a baby, Jeanne would take me home for the holidays so I wouldn’t have to be alone in the hospital. I would stay with her and her family. She told me a story years later that when we went to the mall, I would always go up to the manikins and talk to them. I would ask Jeanne why they wouldn’t answer. She always got a kick out of that.
I was born with a congenital diseases of the nervous system called Neurofibromatosa.
When I was still a baby, Jeanne would take me home for the holidays so I wouldn’t have to be alone in the hospital. I would stay with her and her family. She told me a story years later that when we went to the mall, I would always go up to the manikins and talk to them. I would ask Jeanne why they wouldn’t answer. She always got a kick out of that.
Living in Loma Vista Hospital for a while
When I was about 3 or 4, I went into the hospital for a series of many surgeries and lived there for a period of time. Jeanne, my nurse, took the place of mother for me while I was there. Jeanne worked at Loma Vista Hospital from 1964 and retired in 1979. We remained friends over the years until she died in 2003. Jeanne told me after a surgery, I was confined to a wheelchair but within no time mastered it. There was another boy in the hospital named Stephen who was also in a wheelchair. We became good friends. We would have races up and down the hallways of the hospital and have pop-a-wheelie contests. The nurses there were all very nice and tried to let me be a kid as much as you could be in a hospital. I remember being able to go downstairs and ride the green hallways to the gift shop.
I had multiple surgeries. I basically just lived in the hospital for a little while. I hadn’t seen Stephen in while and kept asking “Where is Stephen”. No one had the heart to tell me that Stephen had passed away. I never knew he died until years later.
There was one time that I had to have surgery and my Mom came to the hospital to see me. She gave me a hug and a kiss and I hugged her back. Then she turned and walked away. I kept yelling for her. The nurses would pick me up to try and comfort me.
I had multiple surgeries. I basically just lived in the hospital for a little while. I hadn’t seen Stephen in while and kept asking “Where is Stephen”. No one had the heart to tell me that Stephen had passed away. I never knew he died until years later.
There was one time that I had to have surgery and my Mom came to the hospital to see me. She gave me a hug and a kiss and I hugged her back. Then she turned and walked away. I kept yelling for her. The nurses would pick me up to try and comfort me.
More surgeries at UCLA
I remember being sent to UCLA Medical for more surgeries. There they doped me up almost the whole time I was there. I was really out of it! They gave me this yellow oval shaped pill that would make me want to just sit or fall asleep. This was a big change from being at Loma Vista where I got the love and care from the nurses. At Loma Vista I had fun and was encouraged to be a child.
Camping with Jeanne's family
Jeanne, Jack, and their two kids took me camping a few times. Once we went to the woods. I was about 5 years old. Jack built a blue trailer. There was a kid named Jimmy that they would pick up at the institution and invite him to come along which made me very jealous. I would be bossy and tell him what to do. Jeanne would then call me Robert instead of Bob and tell me to be nice. I loved to eat and Jeanne would always tell me, “If you eat too much you will get a belly ache”.
Foster care memories
After I had surgery on my right arm the doctor told me and my foster parents that he didn’t know if I would be able to move my arm enough to be mobile and that if I wanted to use it I would need to start exercising it. He gave my foster dad a long list of things I could do to strengthen my arm. Right away my foster dad got started working with me. At the hospital there was a small hill and I would have to get dirt into a bucket, carry it up the stairs and dump it down the embankment. It was hard work, I really HATED it. I had to do it for my arm but I hated it. That night we went running along the wash. It helped because I was moving my arm. When I went to bed that night I was TIRED!
I remember my foster dad that I was living with at the time was really tall with red hair. He liked pussy willows and every time we would go running along the wash, he would go down and grab some, cut them off and put them in a vase. We would also go pollywog hunting. He was really nice. He was very outgoing and athletic. He would take me swimming and tried to get me into swimming lessons. I tried them but it was too hard for me because of my arm. I remember jumping off the diving boards and I would always land on my stomach. It really hurt. He was always there to help me.
There were several nights that my foster dad would read me bed time stories in the living room and I would sit next to him. I remember he would always have hot chocolate for me to drink as he read me stories. I really enjoyed that.
Mr. Roblie was a social worker. Really nice. Sometimes he would pick me up and take me to see my mother. (He let me drive on the freeway)
I remember being in this one foster home and going to the Zoo. It was a really hot day and they wanted to take a picture on a statue. I remember the statue was really hot and I kept crying trying to get down and they kept putting me up there and got upset with me. I kept saying it was hot but they were in a way laughing at me. They though it wasn’t hot. They had these big turtles that you could ride that I really liked.
I remember my foster dad that I was living with at the time was really tall with red hair. He liked pussy willows and every time we would go running along the wash, he would go down and grab some, cut them off and put them in a vase. We would also go pollywog hunting. He was really nice. He was very outgoing and athletic. He would take me swimming and tried to get me into swimming lessons. I tried them but it was too hard for me because of my arm. I remember jumping off the diving boards and I would always land on my stomach. It really hurt. He was always there to help me.
There were several nights that my foster dad would read me bed time stories in the living room and I would sit next to him. I remember he would always have hot chocolate for me to drink as he read me stories. I really enjoyed that.
Mr. Roblie was a social worker. Really nice. Sometimes he would pick me up and take me to see my mother. (He let me drive on the freeway)
I remember being in this one foster home and going to the Zoo. It was a really hot day and they wanted to take a picture on a statue. I remember the statue was really hot and I kept crying trying to get down and they kept putting me up there and got upset with me. I kept saying it was hot but they were in a way laughing at me. They though it wasn’t hot. They had these big turtles that you could ride that I really liked.
THE INSTITUTION age 6 to 10 years (give or take)
I was about 6 or 7 years old when I was placed at Buena Ventura Academy, an institution. This was a home for children difficult to place in a foster home. Some had medical needs some just had emotional problems, or they ran out of foster families. When I first got there I was scared. It was a whole new environment and I didn’t know what was going on with me. The buildings were very big. That night I cried and rocked myself to sleep. I just thought why doesn’t anyone love me enough to keep me.
I remember this one woman said to me ”No matter if you go to foster home to foster home, it is not that people don’t love you, it might be because they don’t have the time for you or the money but there would always be people out there to love you”. I felt like well if they loved me why do they keep giving me up. I didn’t feel like they loved me if they gave me up. I went from foster home to foster home until I got placed in the institution for about 5 years.
The building was green and white. The inside was all white walls with an orange flower pattern on the carpet. They had old radiators against the walls that worked really well. The building where we slept was a two story building. All the girls slept downstairs and all the boys slept upstairs. At night they would close off the stairs to go up or down so we would stay on our own floors. Everyone was different ages from about 2 to 18 years old. They tried to put kids in rooms that were about the same age. The rooms were big enough to slept 4 to a room. It had 4 red or yellow beds with pull out drawers and a matching small dresser beside it. We each owned a little corner of the room.
While in the institution I didn’t hear from my mother. I heard that there were people that wanted to adopt me but my mother said no.
I remember this one woman said to me ”No matter if you go to foster home to foster home, it is not that people don’t love you, it might be because they don’t have the time for you or the money but there would always be people out there to love you”. I felt like well if they loved me why do they keep giving me up. I didn’t feel like they loved me if they gave me up. I went from foster home to foster home until I got placed in the institution for about 5 years.
The building was green and white. The inside was all white walls with an orange flower pattern on the carpet. They had old radiators against the walls that worked really well. The building where we slept was a two story building. All the girls slept downstairs and all the boys slept upstairs. At night they would close off the stairs to go up or down so we would stay on our own floors. Everyone was different ages from about 2 to 18 years old. They tried to put kids in rooms that were about the same age. The rooms were big enough to slept 4 to a room. It had 4 red or yellow beds with pull out drawers and a matching small dresser beside it. We each owned a little corner of the room.
While in the institution I didn’t hear from my mother. I heard that there were people that wanted to adopt me but my mother said no.
Hard to go back
I remember Jeanne and her daughter Bridget brought me back to the institution around dusk one night after spending the day with their family. I wasn’t looking forward to going back to the institution. I was getting out of the car crying and Jeanne said, “Bob I have to”. I just kept crying walking up the stairs. She gave me a hug and told me that she loved me. She left and I had this pocket watch that I swirled around and kept slamming it against the wall until it broke. I felt like spending the day with her was so wonderful and nice, but being dropped off at the institution was hell and very hard on me. That night I had a hard time sleeping. Other nights I would cry and rock myself to sleep. I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to have a family that would care about me and take care of me. And I wanted it to be Jeanne. I loved Jeanne. She was probably one of the most comforting people in my life. Over the years we kept in touch and I was able to tell her how much I loved her.
Tokens to survive
I remember a big guy named Steve and a very nice girl named Vicki who worked at the institution. All the children had chores there and if you did it you would get a red token which was a plastic circle the size of a quarter. If your room was clean you got 3 tokens. If you made your bed you got 3 tokens, if you took a shower you got 4 tokens. You always had to make sure your room was clean and your bed was made. The purpose of the tokens was if you did everything you were supposed to, you would turn in your tokens to see a movie on campus, or go to the store in the van. You could also use them like money. They had a little store where you would buy everything; toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, shampoo, brush, and laundry detergent. If you were bad they would give you a toothbrush and make you clean the bathroom. We did our own laundry with slugs they would give us in the basement (mind you, I was probably about 6 year old when I was first placed here.)
When we were bad we would have to vacuum the long hallways, then go down on our hand and knees along the baseboards to clean the debris. We also had to clean the radiators.
They had a big cafeteria where we would all eat. If you would miss out they would say "the kitchen is closed" and you would have to wait, unless they had any leftovers. The food was good except for when they served liver or shredded beef with gravy over mashed potatoes!
TOUGH LIFESTYLE AT THE INSTITUTION
In the Gym, there was this one brat child that picked me up and threw me because we were teasing each other. I was stunned he would do that to me. Once you lived there a month you learned how to defend yourself. There was a lot of stealing going on. If you left anything in your corner of the room, people would take things from you. If someone took something from me, I would try to find out who it was and go and get it back.
When we were bad we would have to vacuum the long hallways, then go down on our hand and knees along the baseboards to clean the debris. We also had to clean the radiators.
They had a big cafeteria where we would all eat. If you would miss out they would say "the kitchen is closed" and you would have to wait, unless they had any leftovers. The food was good except for when they served liver or shredded beef with gravy over mashed potatoes!
TOUGH LIFESTYLE AT THE INSTITUTION
In the Gym, there was this one brat child that picked me up and threw me because we were teasing each other. I was stunned he would do that to me. Once you lived there a month you learned how to defend yourself. There was a lot of stealing going on. If you left anything in your corner of the room, people would take things from you. If someone took something from me, I would try to find out who it was and go and get it back.
Fighting for my life!!!
There was a kid that picked me up and tried to throw me out an upper story window. I tried to break free from him and I kicked the window and broke it. There was no one around to help me. I had to really struggle to save my life. It was a fight brought on by stealing. I learned here how to lie, steal, be dishonest and use profanity. I did not know right from wrong. It was all a matter of survival. I did these things to protect myself from getting beat up, to protect my stuff, and survive the live style I was forced to live. I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. I was just surviving.
OK, here goes...
When you got a certain age you were allowed to go off campus. You could walk or ride the bikes they provided to us. I liked looking at toys in the stores. If I didn’t have enough money, I mastered peeling off the tag of a cheaper toy and placing it on the more expensive one. One time I asked the lady behind the counter if I could have a paper bag. I went to the toys and placed one I wanted in the bag, then tried to walk out of the store. I was caught by the woman who asked, “What are you doing.” I said, “Nothing.” She said, “Well it looks like you are hiding something. You know I could call the police on you.” I started to cry. She said, “Don’t you know this is stealing? You shouldn’t steal. Is that what you asked me for a bag for?“ I started crying harder and begged her not to call the police. She let me go after I promised her I would never steal again. Every time I saw her from that time forward I would always say “I’m sorry.”
That night I sat in my room thinking of better ways to steal and not get caught, what I was going to say if I got caught, and how I would conceal my items and get them out of the store more effectively. I would steal anything I thought was beautiful to give to my girlfriend... candy, cards, whatever, or just for myself.
That night I sat in my room thinking of better ways to steal and not get caught, what I was going to say if I got caught, and how I would conceal my items and get them out of the store more effectively. I would steal anything I thought was beautiful to give to my girlfriend... candy, cards, whatever, or just for myself.
The wild life!
The kids from the institution would go as a group to the store and we would steal liquor, beer, cigarettes, and we would smoke at night. Sometimes the staff would let us go out at night and we would go away from the building and smoke and drink. I was probably 8 or 9 years old. I did this to fit in with the group. At night we would sneak into the girls’ room and smoke and drink. If we heard someone coming, the girls would throw blankets or clothes on top of us and the staff would tell the girls to clean up their room.
There was a girl that had a crush on me and I liked her too. We were friend and then became boyfriend and girlfriend. We were about 6 years old when we first met. We were all looking to be loved. One time she was looking at me and she started shaking. I called one of the staff and said “help help.” I said, “She is shaking, what do I do.” She grabbed me and I was amazed at the strength she had when she held me while she was shaking. Come to find out she was having a seizure. The staff checked to see if she took her medicine. She hadn’t. She was o.k.
There was a girl that had a crush on me and I liked her too. We were friend and then became boyfriend and girlfriend. We were about 6 years old when we first met. We were all looking to be loved. One time she was looking at me and she started shaking. I called one of the staff and said “help help.” I said, “She is shaking, what do I do.” She grabbed me and I was amazed at the strength she had when she held me while she was shaking. Come to find out she was having a seizure. The staff checked to see if she took her medicine. She hadn’t. She was o.k.
Nice lady with accent
I remember a lady with an accent that came to the institution and would pick 2 or 3 children and take them to catakism. I liked to go. She was really nice. She seemed to bond with me more than the other children. I remember these little books that would have pictures of children in them. We would read a story and then answer a question and check off a box which one we thought would be the right answer. It would ask questions like; “Would God be happy if you did this?” or “What would God want you to do?” Every once in a while she would come by and pick me up and take me out to lunch. She loved being outside. She would take me to the park or we would climb on rocks. We would go places and enjoy the beauty of the world and she would tell me “This is what God has made for us.” After I left the institution and lived with Carmen, (who I will tell you about later) this nice lady tracked me down and showed up at my door one day. I didn’t remember her face but when she talked I remembered her accent. I talked to my foster mom and told her this was the lady that I would go to church with at the institution and she wants me to go out with her. I was able to go and we went on a picnic and we just talked. I remember she said she was writing a book about different things about her life. I asked her about her book and she was surprised that I remembered. She said she wasn’t finished yet. I remember her saying “Your going to be a good man someday Bob.”
How I found comfort
Every once in a while the staff would check to see if we were all in our rooms and once they were gone we would sneak into the girls room and talk all night until we fell asleep next to each other. We just wanted to be close to each other. When we would get together, we would talk about if we would ever have a mother or father to love us.
The Badge
There was a man who lived just away from the dormitory who ran the place. I would watch cartoons with his children. At one time he was a police officer. He gave me a real badge. It meant a lot to me and it was stolen from me. I would steal it back until finally I never saw it again. I would try to hide it in a really good place but he would rip my room apart to steal it again. I felt bad going back to his house knowing that I lost the badge he had given me.
At the institution we would go to school. There was a separate building which was a gym that we could play in.
Fire!!! Fire!!! Fire!!!
Once I got so mad and had so much hate because people were teasing me that I threw all my tokens in the trash and lit a fire inside the cafeteria in a trash can. People were yelling “Fire” “Fire”. It burnt the kitchen and a portion of where we ate. I got in trouble. I got my privileges taken away for a week. One of the staff talked to me and asked why I would do it. I told him I hated it here, I’m tired of everyone teasing me. I want a new mom and dad. He said they were trying hard to find me a mom and dad.
That night I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew what I did was wrong. I just felt like I wished like I had a mom and dad. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep.
While I lived there I remember thinking where is my Mom, why isn’t she taking care of me? I’ve thought this several times during my life.
At the institution we would go to school. There was a separate building which was a gym that we could play in.
Fire!!! Fire!!! Fire!!!
Once I got so mad and had so much hate because people were teasing me that I threw all my tokens in the trash and lit a fire inside the cafeteria in a trash can. People were yelling “Fire” “Fire”. It burnt the kitchen and a portion of where we ate. I got in trouble. I got my privileges taken away for a week. One of the staff talked to me and asked why I would do it. I told him I hated it here, I’m tired of everyone teasing me. I want a new mom and dad. He said they were trying hard to find me a mom and dad.
That night I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. I knew what I did was wrong. I just felt like I wished like I had a mom and dad. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep.
While I lived there I remember thinking where is my Mom, why isn’t she taking care of me? I’ve thought this several times during my life.
My friend Vicki
Vicki was a single lady that worked at the institution. I remember Vicki was beautiful. She kind of looked like “I Dream of Jeanie”. She was very kind to me. She would take me to her house on holidays and weekends and let me spend time with her. We would go to her parent’s house and they kind of adopted me as their child. They really spoiled me with toys and presents for the holidays. I had a fond affection for Vicki. One night Vicki took me to her parent’s house to spend the night. They put me in a room by myself but I was too scared to sleep there so Vicki let me sleep with her. That night when I took a bath, Vicki helped me and I didn’t want her to see me. She assured me that there was nothing to be ashamed of and that she loved me just the way I was. For this I loved Vicki.
Vicki’s dad worked at Coke-a-Cola and she would take me there and we would get free Coke. That was fun.
When I was in the hospital getting my surgeries Vicki would bring me candy & four 2 liter bottles of different flavored sodas. I liked that.
She would take me home and I would stay for 1 to 3 nights. I would tell her I didn’t really want to go back but she would always say, I know but I have to take you back. I would tell her I wished she was my Mom. One time I got upset with her because she went home and did not take me and I kicked her. I felt like I belonged to her. I liked the attention and love she was giving me. She made me feel like we were family.
There was a perfume that Vicki had and I though it smelled so good. I sprayed it all over me and then took it to the bath and poured some in with me. After I got out of the bath everyone asked “Wow Bob, did you get into the perfume?” I said “no” and everyone laughed. I then admitted that I liked the smell of it. Vicki never took anyone else home with her but me. That made me feel very special.
Vicki’s dad worked at Coke-a-Cola and she would take me there and we would get free Coke. That was fun.
When I was in the hospital getting my surgeries Vicki would bring me candy & four 2 liter bottles of different flavored sodas. I liked that.
She would take me home and I would stay for 1 to 3 nights. I would tell her I didn’t really want to go back but she would always say, I know but I have to take you back. I would tell her I wished she was my Mom. One time I got upset with her because she went home and did not take me and I kicked her. I felt like I belonged to her. I liked the attention and love she was giving me. She made me feel like we were family.
There was a perfume that Vicki had and I though it smelled so good. I sprayed it all over me and then took it to the bath and poured some in with me. After I got out of the bath everyone asked “Wow Bob, did you get into the perfume?” I said “no” and everyone laughed. I then admitted that I liked the smell of it. Vicki never took anyone else home with her but me. That made me feel very special.
Punishment at the institution
At the institution, when you did something bad you were placed in a time-out room. It was a medium sized room that was pretty dark. It did have one small window on the door that could be opened and shut. When it was shut there was a peek hole you could look into. The window and light both had screens over them for protection. One kid was out of control and it took many people to get him into this room and a nurse came in to give him a shot to calm him down. I had to go into it a few times because I talked backed. I would have to sit for one hour.
My friend Nancy
Nancy worked at the institute and was really nice to me too. She would bring her lunch and she had a burrito that smelled so good. I asked her if I could taste it and she let me. It was beans and shredded beef and rice. From then on she would bring me in one every now and then. I looked forward to those burritos.
Memories at the institution
Sometimes when I would get sick I would go to the nurse and tell her. She would give me medicine from the cabinet and tell me to go to bed. I can’t remember anyone checking on me. Just lying in bed.
I remember there was always snakes outside at this academy. A boy there would catch them and kill them. He would swing them around by their tail and let the head hit the ground until they were dead and then swing them high in the air. I stayed away from him! There were a lot of kids there with emotional problems.
There was one boy that had an obsession for keys. He had thousands of them. There was an old vacant building behind us and he would go inside and find keys and see if they worked in the doors and sometimes they did.
I remember there was always snakes outside at this academy. A boy there would catch them and kill them. He would swing them around by their tail and let the head hit the ground until they were dead and then swing them high in the air. I stayed away from him! There were a lot of kids there with emotional problems.
There was one boy that had an obsession for keys. He had thousands of them. There was an old vacant building behind us and he would go inside and find keys and see if they worked in the doors and sometimes they did.
Leaving the institution
Every night I would lie in bed and wonder and wish when I would get out of there. I spent about 4 years wondering. Finally the day arrived. I was told they found me a foster home and that the family would be picking me up tomorrow. I sat outside and waited and watched behind the cars. When I finally saw them I hid. The day was finally here for me to leave but I had no clue what I should expect. I was nervous. They were white. I watched her drive up in a green station wagon. She went inside. I was about 100 feet behind her watching her wondering if she was my new mom. I followed her in and she said, “I am here to pick up a boy named Robert Lozano” and I said that was me. I was happy. She told me she would be my new mom, but that I didn’t have to call her mom right away. She said are you ready to go home. I said, go where? She said, “Go home with me! Would you like me to help you get your things.” I had some sadness leaving my good friends, like Vicki and Nancy because they were like mothers to me there. I was never able to say good-bye to them because they were not working that day. That made it hard for me to leave. I never heard from my friends again. I’ve always wondered about Vicki. If she ever got married or how her parents were doing.
Around 9 to 11yrs old - Life with Carmen
Carmen told me I could call her mom which was hard to do at first. It didn’t feel comfortable calling anyone mom. This family had one older son who still lived at home. Carmen is the woman that I can remember gave me the most love. She did get upset with me however.
Carmen said as we were driving home, “We have to stop by and see your new dad.” I didn’t know what to say or what to do when we met. He was very nice. He wore a suit and we said “Hi”. He asked if he could give me a hug. I remember him telling Carmen he would be home at about 5:00 or 5:30. Then I went to my new home. She showed me around the house and told me where my room was. I was scared that all this good could be taken away from me. That it might be too good to be true. She said let me take you upstairs and show you your room and show you the rest of the house. Later I met my new brother Steve. He was nice. He was in high school. She made dinner. We sat down as a family and ate our first dinner. I felt uncomfortable but happy. She made eggs, rice and pork chops. It was an odd meal to me but I liked it. I remember she said I didn’t have to eat everything on my plate.
She showed me some chips and things and said, “If you’re hungry, you could help yourself.” It felt weird to be able to just take things from the cupboard and eat. She said this is your house. I remember there were crackers I liked, and I took them to my room and hid them. She found them and asked why I hid them in my room. I said that at the academy I couldn’t just eat anytime I wanted, so we would hide food in or room for snacks later. Carmen said you don’t have to hide food in your room. This is your house and whatever you want to eat you can eat. You don’t have to hide it. I hid them in my room because I felt too uncomfortable taking things from her cupboard.
I started feeling more comfortable at my new home. Carmen said I could go outside and play and meet the neighborhood. I was scared if anyone would accept or like me. It turned out to be a great neighborhood where I made lots of friends and many fond memories.
I remember when I was going outside and the girl next-door asked who I was and I said I was new here. That Carmen and her husband adopted me. She was nice and said that was nice. She said I have other friend in the neighborhood I can introduce you to. Later she introduced me around the neighborhood. They were all very kind and we all became friends. Some of them asked me what happened to me. I told them I was born this way and they all accepted me.
There was a cheerleader down the street that I liked. I had no idea what a cheerleader even was but I liked her. She was in high school.
I made many friends in the neighborhood but they all went to Atherwood Elementary. I was bussed to Hollow Hills Elementary because they had a special education program. There I attended 4th 5th and 6th grade. At school we would sing, and I didn’t like to sing. My foster mom would tell me, “When the class sings you participate.” We would watch Sesame Street, take naps, and tests which I would cheat on. The teacher would ask us to spell certain words and I sat in the front of the class. I would have a paper in my hand that would tell me how to spell the words. I would look at my cheat sheet and one time the teacher asked “Bob, what is that in your hand?” I said “nothing” because I didn’t want to get caught. They called my foster mom and I got in trouble. Once, when it was time for recess, as we were lined up at the door to go outside, one of the kids said ”I dare you to pull the fire alarm”, I asked what would I get out of it if I did, and he said he would pay me a dollar. So I took the dare. First I got the dollar, and then I pulled the alarm. I couldn’t play that recess. My foster mom was called and I got grounded.
I remember children at my school would make fun of me and I would tell the teacher but they wouldn’t do anything about it. Pretty soon I started hitting the children when they made fun of me. The teachers at school would call my foster mom and she would whip me with a twig she tore off a tree, sometimes it was a belt. When I would try to explain why I hit, she would get angry and tell me not to talk back to her and show disrespect. This would frustrate me and I would get angry. After being whipped my body would have red marks. Sometimes when I would talk back she would put a bar of soap in my mouth.
There were happy memories in her home. They had a chicken that laid eggs. I was able to collect her eggs and mom would fry them for the family for breakfast or dinner. At this house, Pigeons would gather in the attic and my foster dad told me and his son to get our BB guns and shoot them. That was fun. I remember they had a doughboy swimming pool in the back yard that we took out which left a big whole. The way we filled it up was we filled it with trash and then put dirt over the top. I had choirs round the house which I got paid for. I would take out the trash, make coffee and straighten my room. One thing I liked to do was get my foster father his beer. He was nice to me.
The opportunity was never presented to me to play sports. It was here I taught myself to ride a bike. No one ever took the time to teach me so I taught myself. I remember crashing into the back of one of the neighbor’s cars and getting really hurt. I was able to ride my bike around the elementary school and the local GEMCO.
I became good friends with the neighbors and I would ding-dong ditch them. There was one neighbor I became really good friends with whose car horn whistled like you were whistling at a girl. He would let me push the horn and I liked that.
There were two boys that lived down the street who were my friends. I would spend the night at their house and we would swim in their pool. When all the kids in the neighborhood got together I would tell the girls I would like to marry them one day and kiss them. The girls just laughed and said I was funny.
We never went camping with this family, but I do remember going to Disneyland which was fun. There they bought me a hat which I lost on one of the rides. This didn’t make my foster mother happy as she reminded me of how much it cost. I remember going to the Zoo and I was able to get a wax mold of an elephant and gorilla which I liked. They took me to travel town, an old train yard and I got a penny squished into a train. They took me to the beach and we would play in the sand and wade in the water.
When I was bad Carmen would say I needed to pray to God and ask him to forgive me. I didn’t know how to pray. I wasn’t interested.
Carman would take me to all my doctor’s appointments and she was very compassionate. While I lived with them I had several surgeries. She would always see me into surgery and be there when I came out. I liked to see her, she would comfort me. I unfortunately missed a lot of school because of surgeries, which made it hard for me to learn to read and write.
Carmen took me to see my mother when I was in the 6th grade. Carmen said to me “Well I have some good news for you”. I said, “What is it?” She said, "well do you want to hear it?" I said, "yeah". She said, "I found your real mom". I just looked at her and she said, "Well you don’t look too happy." I said, "Well I haven’t seen her for so long. I don’t know if I even remember what she looks like. I don’t know how she would act when she saw me or how I would act." She said, “Well do you want to go see her?” I thought about it for 3 weeks and decided I would. She said she would have to go and talk to the judge and get it o.k.’ed and that she would take me to see my mom.
I believe it was a Saturday afternoon that we went to go see her and all that was going through my mind was, “Would I remember her at all?” The last time I saw her was when I was about 3 or 4 at Loma Vista Hospital when she came to see me just before a surgery. She gave me a hug and a kiss and walked away and I was left crying. As we were going up there, Carmen asked, “Are you nervous.” I said “Yes, I’m a little scared.” She said, “You don’t have to see her.” I said I wanted to. We drove to Ventura to see her. She said, “ok... we are getting close by.” We went inside the courthouse. The social worker brought over the family like my brothers, sisters and my real mom. I didn’t know them. I went into the court room and I became really good friends with the judge over the years. He said, “Hi Robert! So you are here to see your mom for the first time.” They had an interpreter there to translate for my mother. He said, “Would you like to talk to her here or outside or you can go to a park or to her home.” He said, “What would you like to do.” I said “Just maybe outside the courtroom for now.” My sister was there and translated for my mother. My reaction was… when I saw my mother… was not a really happy feeling. She didn’t look the way I remembered. My sister introduced me to some of my brothers and sisters. We talked and set up another meeting time. My sister asked where we should meet next, and I suggested the park because I didn’t feel comfortable in their house yet. We went to the park and visited for 3 hours. My mom, sister and some siblings and my social worker were all there. It was hard to communicate with my mother because we didn’t speak the same language. I wondered if she wanted to take me back. I was quiet and shy. I didn’t open up to her.
After 2 months of phone calls and letters we met again. I deiced to go to her house. Still feeling a little bit uncomfortable. There were times I spent the night there but our life styles were very different. I felt like I was rich compared to them. They lived in a poor apartment. I felt sorry for them. I felt like I really had it good. My own room…. I didn’t have to share. They had 3 bedrooms and fit 3 to a room and some kids would sleep on the couch or on a hid a bed. When I visited I would sleep on the couch or on the floor. My sister offered for me to sleep with my mother and I said, “No, I’d sleep on the couch.” They keep the house clean but it just looked ran down. It made me really appreciate what I had. When I stayed there all we ate was Mexican food and I got really tired of it. We ate it for breakfast lunch and dinner. I would ask, "Can’t we have something besides mexican food, like spaghetti or steak or cereal for breakfast."
We ate rice, beans, and homemade tortillas my mother would make from scratch. One time I tried to make homemade tortillas and it was a big flop. Instead of being nice and thin mine turned out to be the size of a pancake. Everyone laughed. We would eat hot dogs wrapped up in a tortilla. Or a hot dog wrapped up in a tortilla with rice and scrambled eggs. I never spent holidays with them other than to stop by and say hello.
I remember back in 1977 when my sister came to visit me at Sinaloa Junior High School. I was getting out of school waiting for the bus and my sister called “Robert, over here”. I said, “What are you doing here?” She said, “Well, I though we would go to the park and have lunch. Moms in the car and your other brothers and sisters.” I said, “Well I need to check with my foster mom to see if it’s o.k.” She said she had already checked with her. We went over to Rancho Simi Park and visited for about 2 hours. It was a really nice visit.
One day Carman told me they were moving to Puerto Rico and I would be placed into another foster home. She told me if I didn’t like the new family that she would come and pick me up. She said she would leave her number with the new foster family just before they moved.
I remember Carmen wore the pants in the family. If she was mad she would hit her husband and it would really scare me. She would say something in puertoriquen and she would be mad and throw things at him. Then she would go up the stairs and slam the door. I would go into my room and wonder what was going on. My foster dad would spend the night at his office and come back the next day. She had a real temper.
I remember Carmen getting a ticket one time and she would get really upset. The officer would give her a ticket and she said, "Well I’m not paying for this." When the officer walked away she balled up the ticket, cussed, threw it out the window and said, "I’m not paying for that!"
Carmen and her husband wanted me to sit and watch the news. They thought it would be important to know what was happening in the world and I didn’t like it. I remember sitting on the couch with a foot stool and watch it. They said, "You need to know what’s going on in the world." At that age I just wasn’t interested in watching the news.
Carmen said as we were driving home, “We have to stop by and see your new dad.” I didn’t know what to say or what to do when we met. He was very nice. He wore a suit and we said “Hi”. He asked if he could give me a hug. I remember him telling Carmen he would be home at about 5:00 or 5:30. Then I went to my new home. She showed me around the house and told me where my room was. I was scared that all this good could be taken away from me. That it might be too good to be true. She said let me take you upstairs and show you your room and show you the rest of the house. Later I met my new brother Steve. He was nice. He was in high school. She made dinner. We sat down as a family and ate our first dinner. I felt uncomfortable but happy. She made eggs, rice and pork chops. It was an odd meal to me but I liked it. I remember she said I didn’t have to eat everything on my plate.
She showed me some chips and things and said, “If you’re hungry, you could help yourself.” It felt weird to be able to just take things from the cupboard and eat. She said this is your house. I remember there were crackers I liked, and I took them to my room and hid them. She found them and asked why I hid them in my room. I said that at the academy I couldn’t just eat anytime I wanted, so we would hide food in or room for snacks later. Carmen said you don’t have to hide food in your room. This is your house and whatever you want to eat you can eat. You don’t have to hide it. I hid them in my room because I felt too uncomfortable taking things from her cupboard.
I started feeling more comfortable at my new home. Carmen said I could go outside and play and meet the neighborhood. I was scared if anyone would accept or like me. It turned out to be a great neighborhood where I made lots of friends and many fond memories.
I remember when I was going outside and the girl next-door asked who I was and I said I was new here. That Carmen and her husband adopted me. She was nice and said that was nice. She said I have other friend in the neighborhood I can introduce you to. Later she introduced me around the neighborhood. They were all very kind and we all became friends. Some of them asked me what happened to me. I told them I was born this way and they all accepted me.
There was a cheerleader down the street that I liked. I had no idea what a cheerleader even was but I liked her. She was in high school.
I made many friends in the neighborhood but they all went to Atherwood Elementary. I was bussed to Hollow Hills Elementary because they had a special education program. There I attended 4th 5th and 6th grade. At school we would sing, and I didn’t like to sing. My foster mom would tell me, “When the class sings you participate.” We would watch Sesame Street, take naps, and tests which I would cheat on. The teacher would ask us to spell certain words and I sat in the front of the class. I would have a paper in my hand that would tell me how to spell the words. I would look at my cheat sheet and one time the teacher asked “Bob, what is that in your hand?” I said “nothing” because I didn’t want to get caught. They called my foster mom and I got in trouble. Once, when it was time for recess, as we were lined up at the door to go outside, one of the kids said ”I dare you to pull the fire alarm”, I asked what would I get out of it if I did, and he said he would pay me a dollar. So I took the dare. First I got the dollar, and then I pulled the alarm. I couldn’t play that recess. My foster mom was called and I got grounded.
I remember children at my school would make fun of me and I would tell the teacher but they wouldn’t do anything about it. Pretty soon I started hitting the children when they made fun of me. The teachers at school would call my foster mom and she would whip me with a twig she tore off a tree, sometimes it was a belt. When I would try to explain why I hit, she would get angry and tell me not to talk back to her and show disrespect. This would frustrate me and I would get angry. After being whipped my body would have red marks. Sometimes when I would talk back she would put a bar of soap in my mouth.
There were happy memories in her home. They had a chicken that laid eggs. I was able to collect her eggs and mom would fry them for the family for breakfast or dinner. At this house, Pigeons would gather in the attic and my foster dad told me and his son to get our BB guns and shoot them. That was fun. I remember they had a doughboy swimming pool in the back yard that we took out which left a big whole. The way we filled it up was we filled it with trash and then put dirt over the top. I had choirs round the house which I got paid for. I would take out the trash, make coffee and straighten my room. One thing I liked to do was get my foster father his beer. He was nice to me.
The opportunity was never presented to me to play sports. It was here I taught myself to ride a bike. No one ever took the time to teach me so I taught myself. I remember crashing into the back of one of the neighbor’s cars and getting really hurt. I was able to ride my bike around the elementary school and the local GEMCO.
I became good friends with the neighbors and I would ding-dong ditch them. There was one neighbor I became really good friends with whose car horn whistled like you were whistling at a girl. He would let me push the horn and I liked that.
There were two boys that lived down the street who were my friends. I would spend the night at their house and we would swim in their pool. When all the kids in the neighborhood got together I would tell the girls I would like to marry them one day and kiss them. The girls just laughed and said I was funny.
We never went camping with this family, but I do remember going to Disneyland which was fun. There they bought me a hat which I lost on one of the rides. This didn’t make my foster mother happy as she reminded me of how much it cost. I remember going to the Zoo and I was able to get a wax mold of an elephant and gorilla which I liked. They took me to travel town, an old train yard and I got a penny squished into a train. They took me to the beach and we would play in the sand and wade in the water.
When I was bad Carmen would say I needed to pray to God and ask him to forgive me. I didn’t know how to pray. I wasn’t interested.
Carman would take me to all my doctor’s appointments and she was very compassionate. While I lived with them I had several surgeries. She would always see me into surgery and be there when I came out. I liked to see her, she would comfort me. I unfortunately missed a lot of school because of surgeries, which made it hard for me to learn to read and write.
Carmen took me to see my mother when I was in the 6th grade. Carmen said to me “Well I have some good news for you”. I said, “What is it?” She said, "well do you want to hear it?" I said, "yeah". She said, "I found your real mom". I just looked at her and she said, "Well you don’t look too happy." I said, "Well I haven’t seen her for so long. I don’t know if I even remember what she looks like. I don’t know how she would act when she saw me or how I would act." She said, “Well do you want to go see her?” I thought about it for 3 weeks and decided I would. She said she would have to go and talk to the judge and get it o.k.’ed and that she would take me to see my mom.
I believe it was a Saturday afternoon that we went to go see her and all that was going through my mind was, “Would I remember her at all?” The last time I saw her was when I was about 3 or 4 at Loma Vista Hospital when she came to see me just before a surgery. She gave me a hug and a kiss and walked away and I was left crying. As we were going up there, Carmen asked, “Are you nervous.” I said “Yes, I’m a little scared.” She said, “You don’t have to see her.” I said I wanted to. We drove to Ventura to see her. She said, “ok... we are getting close by.” We went inside the courthouse. The social worker brought over the family like my brothers, sisters and my real mom. I didn’t know them. I went into the court room and I became really good friends with the judge over the years. He said, “Hi Robert! So you are here to see your mom for the first time.” They had an interpreter there to translate for my mother. He said, “Would you like to talk to her here or outside or you can go to a park or to her home.” He said, “What would you like to do.” I said “Just maybe outside the courtroom for now.” My sister was there and translated for my mother. My reaction was… when I saw my mother… was not a really happy feeling. She didn’t look the way I remembered. My sister introduced me to some of my brothers and sisters. We talked and set up another meeting time. My sister asked where we should meet next, and I suggested the park because I didn’t feel comfortable in their house yet. We went to the park and visited for 3 hours. My mom, sister and some siblings and my social worker were all there. It was hard to communicate with my mother because we didn’t speak the same language. I wondered if she wanted to take me back. I was quiet and shy. I didn’t open up to her.
After 2 months of phone calls and letters we met again. I deiced to go to her house. Still feeling a little bit uncomfortable. There were times I spent the night there but our life styles were very different. I felt like I was rich compared to them. They lived in a poor apartment. I felt sorry for them. I felt like I really had it good. My own room…. I didn’t have to share. They had 3 bedrooms and fit 3 to a room and some kids would sleep on the couch or on a hid a bed. When I visited I would sleep on the couch or on the floor. My sister offered for me to sleep with my mother and I said, “No, I’d sleep on the couch.” They keep the house clean but it just looked ran down. It made me really appreciate what I had. When I stayed there all we ate was Mexican food and I got really tired of it. We ate it for breakfast lunch and dinner. I would ask, "Can’t we have something besides mexican food, like spaghetti or steak or cereal for breakfast."
We ate rice, beans, and homemade tortillas my mother would make from scratch. One time I tried to make homemade tortillas and it was a big flop. Instead of being nice and thin mine turned out to be the size of a pancake. Everyone laughed. We would eat hot dogs wrapped up in a tortilla. Or a hot dog wrapped up in a tortilla with rice and scrambled eggs. I never spent holidays with them other than to stop by and say hello.
I remember back in 1977 when my sister came to visit me at Sinaloa Junior High School. I was getting out of school waiting for the bus and my sister called “Robert, over here”. I said, “What are you doing here?” She said, “Well, I though we would go to the park and have lunch. Moms in the car and your other brothers and sisters.” I said, “Well I need to check with my foster mom to see if it’s o.k.” She said she had already checked with her. We went over to Rancho Simi Park and visited for about 2 hours. It was a really nice visit.
One day Carman told me they were moving to Puerto Rico and I would be placed into another foster home. She told me if I didn’t like the new family that she would come and pick me up. She said she would leave her number with the new foster family just before they moved.
I remember Carmen wore the pants in the family. If she was mad she would hit her husband and it would really scare me. She would say something in puertoriquen and she would be mad and throw things at him. Then she would go up the stairs and slam the door. I would go into my room and wonder what was going on. My foster dad would spend the night at his office and come back the next day. She had a real temper.
I remember Carmen getting a ticket one time and she would get really upset. The officer would give her a ticket and she said, "Well I’m not paying for this." When the officer walked away she balled up the ticket, cussed, threw it out the window and said, "I’m not paying for that!"
Carmen and her husband wanted me to sit and watch the news. They thought it would be important to know what was happening in the world and I didn’t like it. I remember sitting on the couch with a foot stool and watch it. They said, "You need to know what’s going on in the world." At that age I just wasn’t interested in watching the news.
Age 11 to 27
I was then placed with Ray and June Whitaker in Simi Valley. I was about 11 years old and lived there until I was 32 years. They had 3 children Sherry, Alan and Ron which were all older than me. They also had another foster child named Anthony.
3 weeks after I arrived at the Whitkers she told me there were two things that she didn’t like. That was a thief and a liar. Given my past I knew I might have a problem with these things.
She would take me to the grocery store, Gemco, Stop & Go, the Bakery and introduce me saying, “This is one of the foster kids I take in. His name is Bob”. She then told me these are the places you can go. She did this so people would know me and look out for me. It took me about 3 months to adjust to living with the Whitkers.
June would say that we all had choirs to do. We rotated doing dishes, setting the table, clearing the table, living room, bedrooms had to be kept clean, backyard and washing the car. As a punishment we would have to pull weeds in the front or back yard. I hated that. The back yard was the worst. There were boysenberries we would have to weed, a hill with flowered ground cover and flower beds.
When the boysenberries were in season we would pick them and June would freeze them or can jam with them. She had an orange tree that we would pick and make fresh orange juice with.
On cold nights June would have us go out and put tarps over the lemon and orange trees to prevent the fruit from frostbite. It was really hard to do. It was usually cold and dark and I remember not being very nice about it. But I did it.
I remember June wanted to re-do her kitchen. June asked me and her children to get hammers and start destroying her kitchen. When her husband got home the kitchen was destroyed. That was so fun. I loved it. Then she had someone come in and lay linoleum floor. It looked really good when it was finished. We also raised her living room 5 inches with 2x4’s and plywood. We all had a really good time doing that. A few years later she wanted to do the driveway and I did it by myself. I wanted to surprise her. I broke up the whole driveway with a pick, put it into a pile and someone hauled it away. June was very happy. Then June wanted a patio-cover built in the back. It took a long time for us to frame it but it looked great and it was fun. Then we painted the whole inside of her 2 story house. While we were painting we would have paint fights. We had some good times. In the mornings I was too tired to go to school and June would let me say home. This was a good bonding moment for the whole family. When we were tired we would all go out to dinner.
I asked June if I could take drivers training. She said “No”. I did it anyways. I took the course at Simi High School. The teacher helped me a lot. I continued to take his class until I got to the age that I could sign my own permission slip and begin to drive. June’s son Alan took me driving a few times eve before I took drivers training. He would take me to the grocery store at an empty lot and taught me how to drive and park. Once he felt comfortable that I could drive he would take me on back streets. He would say when you come to the light don’t stamp on the break, break softly. I always wanted to send us through the windshield when I stopped. Every time I saw a cop I would get so nervous. If June found out she would freak. I set up an appointment at Simi High School to drive at 9:00 and woke up late. I got dressed as fast as I could and ran from Tapo and Walnut all the way to Simi High School. I really moved. I made it. The teacher asked why I was so winded. I said it’s because I didn’t have a car. My teacher was really nice. He let the other kids drive first to let me catch my breath. I never told him that I knew how to drive. I wanted to surprise him. He was really impressed and asked “How did you know how to drive like this Bob”. I told him Alan taught me. The only part I didn’t do well in was parallel parking. That was not easy. A couple of weeks later I took the test at the DMV. I did a great job and got my licence. I was 16 years old. Once I passed it I took my mug shot and he said o.k. look for your drivers licence in the mail. I really watched the mail like a hawk so June wouldn’t find it. Once it came I was so happy to have it in my hands and couldn’t wait to drive. I waited about a week and told June. She said how did you manage to do that. I said, “Well, this is something that really meant a lot to me”. She said “Well, I could take that driver’s licence away from you.” I said I’d just get another one. I never asked to drive their cars. One day she asked me if I would go to the store for her. I drove her silver Cadillac which was hugh. I did good and she let me drive her car from then on.
June was the most happy when she was started going back to church and attending the Temple. She always came back so happy and peaceful. I
Didn’t know what the temple was and always thought that they did something to her there. She was always so happy when she came home. I asked June what is this temple and what do you do there? She said it was a wonderful place, that she didn’t know how to describe it to you. “You will know when you go there one day. It is a very special peaceful place that you could feel close to your Heavenly Father”.
Sometimes I would go to church with June. Sometimes I would go the Catholic church with my neighbor. Everyone at the Mormon church made me feel more welcome. There were also beautiful girls there. I had never seen so many beautiful girls in one place. But what I noticed the most was how modest the girls dressed. Everyone there was so nice and made me feel real welcome.
There was an older gentlemen and his wife Ron Perry and his family did plumbing. Ron was the one who invited me to take the discussions. I didn’t know what the discussions were. He said it talked about what our church believes in. I thought I’d give it a try. He introduced me to two missionaries. I didn’t know what missionaries were. He said they are out for 2 years to teach people about the church. I just kept on taking the discussions until I was ready to be baptized. I was ___ years old.
I later asked June why she never told me about the church and she said she was leaving it up to me to join.
There was one time when June’s son Alan was getting close to getting married. I drove the car to go do something (with her permission) and I crashed the car into a wall. I was backing up and happened to step on the gas too much. I was so scared! All I could think of was June is going to kill me. I drove the car home and eventually told June about the crash. She asked me where it happened. We went up there, called the police and she said you aren’t allowed to drive any of my vehicles any more. She was really mad. Her son Allen and his wife to be were going to take that car on their honeymoon. I had my gardening business at the time. It was small of only a few houses. She told me from now on if you want to drive, your are going to have to buy your own car and insurance. It did teach me a lot of responsibility though. I appreciated my own car more. I ended up buying a car from the neighbor down the street. It was a black Cadillac.
3 weeks after I arrived at the Whitkers she told me there were two things that she didn’t like. That was a thief and a liar. Given my past I knew I might have a problem with these things.
She would take me to the grocery store, Gemco, Stop & Go, the Bakery and introduce me saying, “This is one of the foster kids I take in. His name is Bob”. She then told me these are the places you can go. She did this so people would know me and look out for me. It took me about 3 months to adjust to living with the Whitkers.
June would say that we all had choirs to do. We rotated doing dishes, setting the table, clearing the table, living room, bedrooms had to be kept clean, backyard and washing the car. As a punishment we would have to pull weeds in the front or back yard. I hated that. The back yard was the worst. There were boysenberries we would have to weed, a hill with flowered ground cover and flower beds.
When the boysenberries were in season we would pick them and June would freeze them or can jam with them. She had an orange tree that we would pick and make fresh orange juice with.
On cold nights June would have us go out and put tarps over the lemon and orange trees to prevent the fruit from frostbite. It was really hard to do. It was usually cold and dark and I remember not being very nice about it. But I did it.
I remember June wanted to re-do her kitchen. June asked me and her children to get hammers and start destroying her kitchen. When her husband got home the kitchen was destroyed. That was so fun. I loved it. Then she had someone come in and lay linoleum floor. It looked really good when it was finished. We also raised her living room 5 inches with 2x4’s and plywood. We all had a really good time doing that. A few years later she wanted to do the driveway and I did it by myself. I wanted to surprise her. I broke up the whole driveway with a pick, put it into a pile and someone hauled it away. June was very happy. Then June wanted a patio-cover built in the back. It took a long time for us to frame it but it looked great and it was fun. Then we painted the whole inside of her 2 story house. While we were painting we would have paint fights. We had some good times. In the mornings I was too tired to go to school and June would let me say home. This was a good bonding moment for the whole family. When we were tired we would all go out to dinner.
I asked June if I could take drivers training. She said “No”. I did it anyways. I took the course at Simi High School. The teacher helped me a lot. I continued to take his class until I got to the age that I could sign my own permission slip and begin to drive. June’s son Alan took me driving a few times eve before I took drivers training. He would take me to the grocery store at an empty lot and taught me how to drive and park. Once he felt comfortable that I could drive he would take me on back streets. He would say when you come to the light don’t stamp on the break, break softly. I always wanted to send us through the windshield when I stopped. Every time I saw a cop I would get so nervous. If June found out she would freak. I set up an appointment at Simi High School to drive at 9:00 and woke up late. I got dressed as fast as I could and ran from Tapo and Walnut all the way to Simi High School. I really moved. I made it. The teacher asked why I was so winded. I said it’s because I didn’t have a car. My teacher was really nice. He let the other kids drive first to let me catch my breath. I never told him that I knew how to drive. I wanted to surprise him. He was really impressed and asked “How did you know how to drive like this Bob”. I told him Alan taught me. The only part I didn’t do well in was parallel parking. That was not easy. A couple of weeks later I took the test at the DMV. I did a great job and got my licence. I was 16 years old. Once I passed it I took my mug shot and he said o.k. look for your drivers licence in the mail. I really watched the mail like a hawk so June wouldn’t find it. Once it came I was so happy to have it in my hands and couldn’t wait to drive. I waited about a week and told June. She said how did you manage to do that. I said, “Well, this is something that really meant a lot to me”. She said “Well, I could take that driver’s licence away from you.” I said I’d just get another one. I never asked to drive their cars. One day she asked me if I would go to the store for her. I drove her silver Cadillac which was hugh. I did good and she let me drive her car from then on.
June was the most happy when she was started going back to church and attending the Temple. She always came back so happy and peaceful. I
Didn’t know what the temple was and always thought that they did something to her there. She was always so happy when she came home. I asked June what is this temple and what do you do there? She said it was a wonderful place, that she didn’t know how to describe it to you. “You will know when you go there one day. It is a very special peaceful place that you could feel close to your Heavenly Father”.
Sometimes I would go to church with June. Sometimes I would go the Catholic church with my neighbor. Everyone at the Mormon church made me feel more welcome. There were also beautiful girls there. I had never seen so many beautiful girls in one place. But what I noticed the most was how modest the girls dressed. Everyone there was so nice and made me feel real welcome.
There was an older gentlemen and his wife Ron Perry and his family did plumbing. Ron was the one who invited me to take the discussions. I didn’t know what the discussions were. He said it talked about what our church believes in. I thought I’d give it a try. He introduced me to two missionaries. I didn’t know what missionaries were. He said they are out for 2 years to teach people about the church. I just kept on taking the discussions until I was ready to be baptized. I was ___ years old.
I later asked June why she never told me about the church and she said she was leaving it up to me to join.
There was one time when June’s son Alan was getting close to getting married. I drove the car to go do something (with her permission) and I crashed the car into a wall. I was backing up and happened to step on the gas too much. I was so scared! All I could think of was June is going to kill me. I drove the car home and eventually told June about the crash. She asked me where it happened. We went up there, called the police and she said you aren’t allowed to drive any of my vehicles any more. She was really mad. Her son Allen and his wife to be were going to take that car on their honeymoon. I had my gardening business at the time. It was small of only a few houses. She told me from now on if you want to drive, your are going to have to buy your own car and insurance. It did teach me a lot of responsibility though. I appreciated my own car more. I ended up buying a car from the neighbor down the street. It was a black Cadillac.
"The Love Mobile" I named my car
Someone said I should name my car. I thought about it for a long time and finally came up with the perfect name: “The Love Mobile”. How I came up with this name was whenever I would go to firesides or dances I would always pick up girls to take them with me. I’d have up to 4 girls in the back and one in the front. The seats were really plush and nice. Very comfortable to sit in.
At age 27
I was 27 years old and I talked to June telling her that I wanted to move. She said that I couldn’t because you have to fill out paperwork, see a judge to see if your are competent to use your own money and live on your own. I figured it was a lost cause. After about a year I went to social security to see if I could get my checks in my own name and out of the Whitakers. I asked if I needed to see a judge or if there was a lot of paperwork involved. She said no. All you need to do is take a paper we will mail you to your doctor, he will ask you a bunch of question and he will mail it off. I wanted the paperwork sent to another place than the Whitakers but she said she couldn’t. I watched the mail but June got it first. She was angry and blew up. I expressed to her my need to take care of myself.
About a year later, I went back to social security and asked for the information again but that I needed it sent to my friends address. She said sure. I waited. It came. Went to the doctor and was set. I knew I would have to tell June my decision. Then I told her I’d be moving and that I had already took care of Social Security. She blew up and said, “This is how you repay me all that I have done for you. I’ve taken you to the doctors, bought you things, taken care of you and this is how I am treated.” I said I want to be on my own but I would come and visit her. She then said,”How will I come up with the other half of my rent.” Then asked, ”Are you going to pay me so much a month for your room still.” I said “No. Are you only caring about the money you will be losing.” Then she said “How would you like me to smear your name by telling all your friend about your past and the things you have done. I told her if that’s what you want to do I can’t stop your but I’m leaving.
As I was packing to leave my friends from the Young Adult Ward came to move me. I was completely moved out three days later. As I was leaving, June yelled out to the people helping me that “Bob is a liar, he steals things, be careful if you have anything because Bob will take it”. June was really bitter.
About a year later, I went back to social security and asked for the information again but that I needed it sent to my friends address. She said sure. I waited. It came. Went to the doctor and was set. I knew I would have to tell June my decision. Then I told her I’d be moving and that I had already took care of Social Security. She blew up and said, “This is how you repay me all that I have done for you. I’ve taken you to the doctors, bought you things, taken care of you and this is how I am treated.” I said I want to be on my own but I would come and visit her. She then said,”How will I come up with the other half of my rent.” Then asked, ”Are you going to pay me so much a month for your room still.” I said “No. Are you only caring about the money you will be losing.” Then she said “How would you like me to smear your name by telling all your friend about your past and the things you have done. I told her if that’s what you want to do I can’t stop your but I’m leaving.
As I was packing to leave my friends from the Young Adult Ward came to move me. I was completely moved out three days later. As I was leaving, June yelled out to the people helping me that “Bob is a liar, he steals things, be careful if you have anything because Bob will take it”. June was really bitter.
Miscellaneous thoughts
I bought my own refrigerator, TV, Car, VCR. A dream I have always wanted. One is to go to Hawaii with a nice good looking lady. I also wanted to go on an airplane. I traveled from Utah to Burbank Airport with a friend. At that time there was a unabomber who was bombing planes and it made me a little scared but at the time I didn’t think much of it. Once I was on the plane the adrenalin was so exciting. I was talking to one lady and told her it was my first flight. She said oh, I’ve been on a plane many times. She asked me if I wanted her window seat. I was happy to sit there and remember seeing the Grand Canyon. It was really neat.
One thing I have always thought would be neat to see is my wife having our baby girl. I just think it would be neat to experience the love of a family bring new life into this world.
I am a really private person. I don’t talk openly about my life much. I have to feel good about a person and trust them before I can open up to them. I don’t have anything to hide. It’s just the life style I have had growing up has been betrayed by people so much that I closed up. Once you start trusting someone and start opening up to them I believe you should keep confidences and build trust.
Right now I have many friends that I trust. So many I can’t even number them. I keep in contact with many of them by phone or going out with them and visiting. Some people I go to their houses. I do most of the contacting. If I am thinking about a certain person I call to leave a message saying “Hey I’m thinking about you. Wondering if everything is o.k. Call me back”.
One thing I have always thought would be neat to see is my wife having our baby girl. I just think it would be neat to experience the love of a family bring new life into this world.
I am a really private person. I don’t talk openly about my life much. I have to feel good about a person and trust them before I can open up to them. I don’t have anything to hide. It’s just the life style I have had growing up has been betrayed by people so much that I closed up. Once you start trusting someone and start opening up to them I believe you should keep confidences and build trust.
Right now I have many friends that I trust. So many I can’t even number them. I keep in contact with many of them by phone or going out with them and visiting. Some people I go to their houses. I do most of the contacting. If I am thinking about a certain person I call to leave a message saying “Hey I’m thinking about you. Wondering if everything is o.k. Call me back”.
How I lost my gardening business
In the year 2001, I passed out while gardening at one of my customers houses on Arcane Street. I passed out for about 15 minutes before the ambulance came. My friend Roger who was gardening found me lying on the ground and couldn’t wake me. He saw one of my neighbors down the street and flagged her down and told her to call 911. Roger then went in my truck to my house and walked in to wake up Eric Chandler to tell him that I had passed out and was taken to the emergency room. The doctor was trying to decide if I should stay or be sent home. He decided to keep me and I was there for 1 ½ weeks. They did a lot of lab work, x-rays, an MRI, and brain scan. They tried to find out what was wrong with me. They said I was dehydrated and put me on medication Dylantin which is for people who have seizures. They asked me if I ever had a seizure and I told them that I never had a seizure in my life. They decided that I might have had a stroke. There was a few times when they were giving me my medication that I held it in my mouth and would spit it out when they left the room because it made me feel physically drained with a hang-over. There were times that I would try to hide it in between my fingers and then when they left I would hide it in the Kleenex Box. One time the nurse came in and I was curled up in a ball and asked me if everything was alright. I said could you please call my adopted Mom Diane Harris. Diane came and she asked me what was wrong. I said, “Why is this happening to me? I don’t like the medicine they are giving.” She tried to convince me that I should take it. I did and was on the medication for 2 weeks. When I got home I stopped taking it. I told the doctor I was taking it, but didn’t. That was probably the hardest time in my life. My business was doing really well and I lost it all. I had to sell all my tools just to make ends meet.
April 17, 2005
Today I woke up and was feeling a lot of pain. I have been feeling pain for about 6 months now. I currently have 2 tumors. One on my right side of my head, and the other on the back right side of my neck. The one on my neck has been causing me discomfort and pain. I have had an CAT Scan and my doctor has sent me to 4 specialists to see if they could remove the tumor. Each doctor has referred me back to my primary care doctor saying the extent of the surgery needed might be too risky and they won’t do it. One doctor said that we might have to refer me to UCLA. I feel like going to UCLA is too far. I feel like I don’t want to burden people to take me all the way out there. It would take about 8 trips and I don’t like to ask that of people. Another thing that bothers me is that I would like people come and see me to comfort me. Being that far away I don’t know if people would go all the way out there to see me. I like the company so that I don’t feel all alone. I like someone that I know to be there when I wake up from surgery and tell me that everything went O.K. When I wake up from surgery I see other people's parents and family showing their comfort, I just wish I had that. It’s just a time of need that I need someone.
Anyway, today is Sunday and I decided to ask the Bishop for a blessing. I need a resolve to the pain I have been feeling. Several brothers in our ward assisted. Brother Acosta anointed and the Bishop Hull gave the blessing. The men in the circle were Kevin Horton, Troy Patrick, Dan Huse, Rick Hughes, Dave Jessop and Rich Kensel gave a prayer before I got the blessing.
When Rich Kensel gave the opening prayer I felt very touched by his prayer. He set the tone of the spirit very strong. The Bishop said in his prayer that my Father in Heaven knows that I am going through a lot of pain and hurt and that as I go through hoping(sp?) that I can try to over come the pain. That Hevenly Father is mindful of my needs and loves me very much. That he is watching over me. He said that I would be blessed with things beyond my comprehension to deal with the pain in a way that I would have to. When the bishop was giving me the blessing I was very overcome with the spirit and I was smiling.
In my lifetime growing up I’m surprised that I never had a police record. That I over came the anger I had with the world because I was born with this condition. That I never lashed out at people for my pain and their good fortune. Growing up in the life style I did I am so lucky that I never feel into that kind of stuff. Looking back I can see the Lords hand in my life. In bring up the past and writing my life history I have come to see the Lords hand in my life and that he Loves me. In growing up I have been in several religions but I embraced the true gospel, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Anyway, today is Sunday and I decided to ask the Bishop for a blessing. I need a resolve to the pain I have been feeling. Several brothers in our ward assisted. Brother Acosta anointed and the Bishop Hull gave the blessing. The men in the circle were Kevin Horton, Troy Patrick, Dan Huse, Rick Hughes, Dave Jessop and Rich Kensel gave a prayer before I got the blessing.
When Rich Kensel gave the opening prayer I felt very touched by his prayer. He set the tone of the spirit very strong. The Bishop said in his prayer that my Father in Heaven knows that I am going through a lot of pain and hurt and that as I go through hoping(sp?) that I can try to over come the pain. That Hevenly Father is mindful of my needs and loves me very much. That he is watching over me. He said that I would be blessed with things beyond my comprehension to deal with the pain in a way that I would have to. When the bishop was giving me the blessing I was very overcome with the spirit and I was smiling.
In my lifetime growing up I’m surprised that I never had a police record. That I over came the anger I had with the world because I was born with this condition. That I never lashed out at people for my pain and their good fortune. Growing up in the life style I did I am so lucky that I never feel into that kind of stuff. Looking back I can see the Lords hand in my life. In bring up the past and writing my life history I have come to see the Lords hand in my life and that he Loves me. In growing up I have been in several religions but I embraced the true gospel, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
April 20, 2005
President Harper, a member of our Stake Presidency, called me today and ask if I would give the opening prayer in the priesthood session of Stake Conference. I agreed and asked him if he would keep me in his prayers. I told him about the complications I’ve had for the past 6 months due to the tumor on the back of my neck. He said he would and said “Bob, I want you to know I was inspired to call you today and wanted to let you know the Lord is watching over you.”
I have been hearing that from every direction lately. I almost feel overwhelmed how often I’ve hearing how much the Lord loves me lately. Just lately I have really felt the love the Lord has for me.
I have been hearing that from every direction lately. I almost feel overwhelmed how often I’ve hearing how much the Lord loves me lately. Just lately I have really felt the love the Lord has for me.
May 3, 2005
I just came back from seeing Dr. Wong. Mike Lopez drove me down and was very kind and concerned about me. I found out that I have two tumors with fingers. The 4 doctors all got together and talked about my condition and decided it was too risky for them to do the surgery. That they did not want to take the responsibility if something went wrong. Dr. Wong is still trying to find a doctor and plastic surgeon that will do the surgery. The good news is that it is not by my spine…yet. I told the doctor that we really needed to move quickly because I am in so much pain.
On the way there, Mike asked me if I was prepared if something should happen during surgery that would incapacitate me. I almost started to cry, but I held it back. My only worry is that I would be placed into an institution again and be abandoned by all my friends. Would anyone come and visit me? I’m afraid of being alone.
On the way there, Mike asked me if I was prepared if something should happen during surgery that would incapacitate me. I almost started to cry, but I held it back. My only worry is that I would be placed into an institution again and be abandoned by all my friends. Would anyone come and visit me? I’m afraid of being alone.
May 11, 2005
Today I talked to the Bishop and told him about my medical needs. I also talked about getting my temple recommend back. I was a good visit. There was a good feeling there. I asked if the Ward could have a fast for me. He said he would tell all the leaders in our ward to fast for me.
May 15, 2005
Today was May 15, 2005. It was Sunday. Today was a good day. I had little pain. The Bishop had leaders announce my medical need in priesthood and relief society. People came up and showed love and concern for me. Even Sister Harry came up and gave me a big hug. I really felt her love and appreciated that.
I went to the Horton’s home for a birthday dinner tonight. It was really nice. Linda wrote me a song and it made me feel special. It was just an all around good day.
I went to the Horton’s home for a birthday dinner tonight. It was really nice. Linda wrote me a song and it made me feel special. It was just an all around good day.
June 5th, 2005
It was fast Sunday, it was a very hard day for me. I was in excruciating pain. I went home early because I could not sit any longer. I just cried. I feel like I just wish I had a mom that I could be comforted and put my head on her lap and she could tell me everything will be o.k.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Until we meet again!
Bob fell July 15th, 2008, and bumped his head. He was taken to a very busy emergency room late that night by his friend. It was a long wait. They wanted to take a x-ray, but Bob, feeling sorry for his friend, asked for a pain shot and then be released. Upon arriving at his home, Bob's friend helped him take off his shoes. Bob asked his friend to please check on him in the morning.
Bob never answered his phone that next day. The day after that, his friend had the apartment manager open his door. He had died. He must have died peacefully in his sleep. He was found tucked in bed looking peaceful and happy.
Bob suffered so much physical pain to the very end. The autopsy revealed that Bob had a hematoma on his head and bleed to death internally.
It also showed he had testicular cancer that had moved up to his stomach. He never knew this. (He kept complaining that his side hurt). It would have been a terrible painful death if he had to suffer to the end with cancer too. Emotionally and physically. The tender mercies of the Lord were with Bob as he took him home.
I loved Chuck Coolies talk at Bob's funeral when he said, "Bob, the first thing I'm going to do when I'm resurrected is check on my family and make sure everyone is ok. Then I'm running over to your grave to see you in your perfect new body."
To all those who made Bob's life a little easier, THANK YOU! He still loves you for it.
Bob never answered his phone that next day. The day after that, his friend had the apartment manager open his door. He had died. He must have died peacefully in his sleep. He was found tucked in bed looking peaceful and happy.
Bob suffered so much physical pain to the very end. The autopsy revealed that Bob had a hematoma on his head and bleed to death internally.
It also showed he had testicular cancer that had moved up to his stomach. He never knew this. (He kept complaining that his side hurt). It would have been a terrible painful death if he had to suffer to the end with cancer too. Emotionally and physically. The tender mercies of the Lord were with Bob as he took him home.
I loved Chuck Coolies talk at Bob's funeral when he said, "Bob, the first thing I'm going to do when I'm resurrected is check on my family and make sure everyone is ok. Then I'm running over to your grave to see you in your perfect new body."
To all those who made Bob's life a little easier, THANK YOU! He still loves you for it.
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